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HR Corner: Identifying and managing difficult personalities
By: Serene Yap
How many times have you come across the following frustration, or you yourself are the culprit.
"Drop everything that you’re doing, I want this ASAP."
"I better tell you this, since you’ve been pretty close to her……"
"Get this done, I need this yesterday."
"You don’t know what you’re talking about."
"Why does this happen to me."
"They won’t give me the information I need."
To avoid difficult people, some workers leave, only to find a new batch of difficult people in their new position. Whether you stay or go, you need to learn how to cope – because difficult people are EVERYWHERE. At least if you stay the situation is predictable.
We might be convinced that the person is the problem but remember, it is something the person is doing –their behaviour – that is really driving us nuts!
Be very careful because if your boss is difficult and you handle the situation clumsily, you could wind up being labeled difficult yourself – a label that you might not shake off the rest of your career.
Let us go through the most common difficult personalities around your office, and suggested ways to handle them.
The AGGRESSOR
Most people tolerate them because most of them produce results. However, they also produce negative vibes around the office.
- Demanding and loud
- Don’t listen and talk over people
- Rude and Sarcastic
How to manage an Aggressor:
- Let them vent off
- Don’t aggravate their anger
- Don’t embarrass them
- Hold your ground and don’t get intimidated
The BLAMER
It’s depressing to be around them as they believe things beyond their control are blocking their success.
- Constantly whine and moan
- Always feel sorry for themselves
- Intentionally left out part of the story to their benefit
- Everything is not their fault – they are always the victim – and it’s everyone else’s fault
How to manage a Blamer:
- Listen to their complaints and highlight any wrong perception
- Focus on solutions, not the problem
- Tell them they are undermining the company and affecting the morale of others
- Last resort, ask them to find another job
The BACKSTABBER
Double talker, selfish and cruel. They can be sweet and sugar in front but spiteful behind your back, and they know when to twist the knife.
- Always willing to help but it’s usually pretence
- Always lurking around your workstation
- Will turn up at your workstation unexpectedly
- Always use BCC
How to manage a Backstabber:
- Do not engage in direct confrontation with them
- Do not use emotions when dealing with them
- Keep your facts/evidence/documentations in order and use them as your defence mechanism
- Do not gossip with them
The SLAVE DRIVER
Will demand 150% from you. They dump and run, and do not realise the impact of their unrealistic demand on you.
- Make unreasonable demand on your time, resources and attention
- Overload themselves and pass the buck to you
- Like to insult to ‘motivate’
How to manage a Slave driver:
- Approach him in a positive manner (and at the right time). Explain to him the negative results of unrealistic overloading and insulting his worker/team. (Do not criticize him, but merely highlight the work issues, i.e. low morale affects workers productivity, hence affecting the department performance.)
- Document your work done (as facts during discussion)
- Respond to all his instructions dutifully or you might be labelled as difficult
The fastest and simplest way to deal with conflict or resentment is to confront it head-on instead of taking it to your friends, co-workers, etc. The person we should go to is the one we are having trouble with although he or she is probably the one person we wouldn’t want to see in the first place! As long as the conversations remain constructive, most people will become more receptive.
However, you must be the person to initiate the conversation – the other person is unlikely to approach you. WHY ME? You may ask. Let’s be Objective, do you want to wait for your destiny or do you want to decide your destiny. Be distinctive, move away from the popular but unproductive Red Ocean attitude. Adopt the unpopular but effective and career enhancing BLUE OCEAN ATTITUDE.
 Serene Yap, a Human Resource Practitioner and a certified Master Class Trainer has been involved in all aspect of human capital development and management for 16 years. Her experiences in both multinational and small to medium size companies include the whole spectrum of Human Resource Management and Development; Design, develop & implementation of HR Policies and Employees Handbook; Performance Management System; Compensation and Benefits; Employees Relations and Coaching of HR Personnel. Serene holds an MBA (Distinction) in General Management and a Diploma in Private Secretaryship. She is also a Competent Communicator certified by Toastmasters International.
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